It's Not Just Me
by Spnchick09
Summary: She cheated on him. Images flood his mind each night. He can't get over her. She's moved on. Songfic, oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **7th Heaven isn't mine. So leave me alone. :-D

_**

* * *

**_

_**Tell Me It's Not Just Me**_

_Tell me you've had trouble sleepin'_

_That you toss and turn from side to side_

_That it's my face you've been seein'_

_In your dreams at night_

He couldn't stop moving. He saw images of their first date, the first time he kissed her, the first time they made love, and afterwards where she promised him that she'd love him forever. He saw images of their one year anniversary. Then, he saw images of her kissing _him. _He saw her screaming _his _name out in ecstasy.

She'd cheated on him.

_"Ruthie...?" he mumbled._

_She turned her head quickly, seeing him in the doorway behind her. Her bare back was to him, her face flushed. Her brunette hair was matted to her forehead._

_She was straddling a man who Martin didn't recognize. Her eyes were full of fire, but had immediately iced over once Martin had appeared in the doorway._

_Martin felt like the world was closing in on him. He couldn't look at her. His eyes tried to make contact with hers, but found it impossible._

_Ruthie turned around, muttering to the man underneath her. She slid off of him, while he hurriedly pulled on his pants, grabbed his shirt, and dashed out of Martin and Ruthie's apartment._

_Martin was finally able to look up, where he saw Ruthie covering herself under the sheets of the bed, looking into his emerald eyes._

"_You mind...you, uh, you mind explaining this to me?" he choked out._

"_Martin, I'm sorry," she whispered._

_He felt tears welling up behind his eyelids, threatening to slide down his cheeks at any moment. "Sorry for what? Cheating on me? Or lying to me?"_

_"Martin, I think we should see other people," she whispered._

_Martin felt his knees buckle, and walked inside the room a couple steps, until he found a bare spot of the wall. He slid down the wall, holding his head in his hands._

_The room was silent, aside from the soft noises he heard. Ruthie was putting on her clothes, and when he'd finally regained enough composure to look at her once more, he coldly spat, "It looks like you're already seeing other people."_

_Ruthie was silent, meeting his gaze. "I'm sorry, Martin. But I love him."_

_Martin felt a hole rip through his heart. "Who is he?"_

"_We're in some classes together. His name's Evan Matthews."_

_Martin froze. "He and I played baseball together," he whispered._

"_I know."_

_Martin couldn't take it anymore. He'd been cheated on. The man that his girlfriend had cheated on him with was one of Martin's close friends in college. How could he be betrayed like this, by someone he'd considered his best friend?_

_He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He felt like he was dying. As of right now, he wished he was. He might as well._

"_How long has this been going on?"_

"_About a year," she whispered, knowing it would hurt him deeply._

_Martin let out a pained cry, the tears starting to fall. "Why, Ruthie?" he cried._

"_Martin, I'm sorry."_

_Martin was bawling, his body shaking with the sobs that escaped him. "Ruthie, I love you. I thought you felt the same way," he whispered._

_The silence that met those words from him gave him an answer. She didn't love him anymore._

"_Oh my God," he rasped, starting to feel sick to his stomach. "I can't believe this!" he loudly whispered. He was trying to scream, but his throat was already so thick that it was impossible._

"_I'll pack my things. I'm sorry, Martin. But this is for the best, you know? Now I don't have to lie to you anymore, and you can find a woman you truly love," she whispered, a few stray tears apparent on her cheeks._

_"You arethe woman I truly love," he told her._

_Silence filled the room, the two of them gazing into each others eyes, before she left the room, leaving Martin to sit and cry for hours. He couldn't move. He refused to try. He was the epitome of heartbroken. It was difficult to catch a breath. His lungs were flooded with pain each time he tried to breathe. _

_Day turned into night, and when the moonlight had cast an eerie glow on him, he still had tears running down his cheeks. He then remembered what was in his pocket, and reached into it for the box. He opened it, looking at the ring inside. He was going to propose to her tonight. And she probably would've broken his heart and said no. That would've been better than a 'yes' coming from her mouth, while she was still cheating on him, though, wouldn't it?_

_Martin sighed, wiping his eyes. He'd be sleeping alone tonight. Unfortunately._

_He was single, and he'd never felt more alone._

* * *

_Tell me that you wake up cryin'_

_And you're not sure exactly why_

_Tell me that something is missin'_

_In your life_

_In your life, baby_

He woke up sweating, the dream all too real. He realized tears were falling from his eyes.

It had happened nine months, eight days, and seven hours ago, he calculated. He wasn't the best at remembering dates, but this he'd never forgotten.

She'd never come back to him, like he thought she would. He still loved her, even though she'd broken his heart, and left him for Evan. And she'd left a hole in his heart, one that couldn't be repaired.

Evan. And to think that Martin had been great friends with him. The thought made him chuckle a bit.

He and Ruthie had dated a total of six years, ever since her seventeenth birthday. He was now a twenty-five year old who was already heartbroken. He missed her like hell, and each day became harder.

He was still lying in bed, remembering the night he'd kissed her for the first time, and thought that they'd be together forever.

_It was the night of Ruthie's seventeenth birthday, and the two had gone on their first date. Martin had taken her to a fantastic restaurant, and was now walking to the door. He stopped her, turning to face her completely._

_"I had a great time, Ruthie," he told her._

_Ruthie smiled up at him, standing on the sidewalk in front of the Camden home. "I had a wonderful time, too," she confessed._

_Martin smiled, much relieved. "I'm glad we agreed to do this," he whispered._

_"Do what?"_

_"Date. It's been the best choice I've made thus far," he admitted._

_Ruthie smiled one of her pearly white grins up at him, before standing on her tiptoes, while wrapping her arms around his neck._

_Martin knew what was coming, and suddenly felt scared, starting to subconsciously shiver._

_Ruthie giggled. "You realize my whole family is probably watching right now?"_

_Martin casually glanced towards the windows, noticing Eric and Annie staring out at one window, both with smiles on their faces. He then saw Kevin and Lucy in another window, Kevin smiling, and Lucy with an anxious look on her face. Simon, who was home for the weekend, was looking through the window with a death glare on his face._

_Martin smiled at the family, before returning his green eyes to Ruthie's brown ones._

_"I don't care," he whispered._

_Ruthie smiled, before Martin brought his lips to hers. The kiss was powerful, and it took Martin by surprise at how well Ruthie was able to kiss him._

_He pulled away slowly, with a stunned expression on his face. _

_"What?" Ruthie asked with a smile._

_"Where did you learn to kiss like that?" he incredulously asked._

_"I didn't learn it anywhere. I just went with what I felt."_

_"You felt that much?" he asked, surprised._

_"Yeah. Thank you for the best birthday of my life," she told him._

_"You're very welcome," he smiled._

_He leaned in for another kiss, while the Camden family watched._

_"They're perfect, Eric," Annie cooed._

_Eric surprisingly returned the feeling. "I agree. They fit together perfectly."_

_"I don't like it," Simon countered._

_Eric and Annie laughed, soon joined by Kevin and Lucy. "Simon, wouldn't you rather Ruthie go out with a guy we've all come to love and trust?" Kevin asked._

_Simon sighed. "Yeah. She's my little sister, though. If he ever hurts her..."_

_"Simon," Lucy cut him off. "I don't think he's ever going to hurt her."_

And he never had. Ruthie had taken care of that for him. She'd broken his heart without warning, and it had caused him more pain than he'd ever imagined.

He remembered a phone call from Lucy, telling him that she was devastated over what had happened, and that Ruthie wasn't very appreciated at home when she explained her breakup with Martin.

Martin remembered feeling horrible at that. He didn't want Ruthie to feel as though she'd been exiled from her own home.

_Serves her right, _he thought. His opinion of her had completely changed now. She would always be the woman that hurt him.

_Tell me that you live for love_

_That forever is never enough_

Two hours later, he was still lying awake. The images continued to flash through his mind, some lasting longer than others. They ran together so quickly that it was hard to figure out where some stopped and started. The clearest image, however, was the night he'd made love to her. It had been the most memorable night of his life.

_The two, now dating for two years, were residing in Florida, where the two attended college. It had been a week since Ruthie turned nineteen, and because the two had gone to Glenoak for the occasion, Martin had taken her out for her birthday tonight._

_They were now in front of Ruthie's dorm, standing at the door._

_"So," Martin started._

_"I had a great time," Ruthie told him, smiling._

_"Don't you usually?" he kidded._

_Ruthie smiled wider, standing taller for a kiss. Martin obliged, tilting his head downward. Just before their lips met, however, he opened her door, ushering her inside._

_"What was that all about?" she asked, once he'd shut her door._

_"Well, chances are you and I are about to make out, and while I have NO problem with that whatsoever, other people might. So, therefore..." Martin blabbered on._

_"Martin?"_

_"Yeah?" he asked._

_"You care to start that make out session anytime soon?"_

_Martin smiled, kissing her fully. The two were lip-locked for what seemed like hours, before Ruthie felt her jacket being slipped off._

_It didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out what was going to happen tonight. And she wanted it._

Martin felt tears stinging his eyes. The memories of her were all too clear. Sometimes, he wished he'd never met her. People told him that things happened for a reason, but he saw no reason for this.

_He was still holding her, nuzzling her neck. She had her back to him, cuddled into his body. He'd placed an arm over her waist, interlocking his right hand with her right._

_"That was amazing," she whispered._

_Martin smiled, kissing her shoulder. "Yeah, it was."_

_Ruthie turned over, causing the bed to groan. "I love you," she whispered, gazing into his eyes._

_Martin's heart swelled, the smile on his face growing larger. "Are you sure?"_

_"Positive. I want to be with you forever," she told him._

_"I love you, too," he whispered._

"Bullshit," he said aloud.

The reality had finally hit him tonight. Ruthie had lied to him. Maybe she did love him at one time, but if she did, would it really be so easy for her to just abandon him?

"God, I miss you," he whispered, wondering if she could hear him.

He threw his head back down, the back of his head meeting the pillow, and dozed off into a dream-filled sleep.

_That you waited all your life to see_

_That you want so badly to believe_

_Tell me that it's not just me_

He'd finally left his apartment. He was walking down the streets of Miami, trying to see if there was something that would spark his interest. He was casually glancing into store windows, seeing if there was anything he needed. There never was.

He knew it was an excuse to get his mind off her, but it wasn't working. Every corner he turned, he saw her. He knew he was imagining it all, but wished she would appear before him.

Much to his chagrin, rain began to fall. Slowly at first, but with each passing minute, it grew in intensity. Martin looked towards the heavens, laughing to himself at how God seemed to be mocking him. "Thanks," he muttered.

_Could've swore I saw you smile at me_

_Standin' in the pourin' rain_

The rain was still pouring down, but Martin didn't care. It fit his mood perfectly.

He saw her again, and looked upwards. "Would You quit it?" he asked, angered.

"Martin?"

Martin looked back to the woman standing in front of him. He swore he saw her, and this time, it wasn't just a mirage.

"Ruthie..." he muttered.

Ruthie was attempting a weak smile, and he could only look into her eyes. They wouldn't travel anywhere else, not even for an up and down look at her.

"Uh, how've you been?" she asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Fine," he lied.

She was gazing into his eyes, and saw so much pain in them. "Liar."

Martin allowed the corners of his mouth to slightly turn upwards at that. "You expect me to be just dandy? You cheated on me."

Ruthie sighed. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, because that makes it all better," Martin countered.

Ruthie's eyes suddenly held a look of remorse, but before Martin could point it out, she covered it up. "Look, I know what I did was wrong..."

"And painful, and heartbreaking, and evil, and..." Martin continued.

"I get it."

Martin stopped, taking a deep breath. Part of him wanted to strangle her, while the other part of him wanted to kiss her.

"I'm sorry, Martin. I can't say anything else. I realize now that I was afraid of breaking your heart."

"Because cheating on me wouldn't do that?" he asked, suddenly realizing that the rain was still falling around them. She didn't seem to mind, however, so he didn't usher her under an awning.

"Martin, I always thought I would marry you. Then, Evan came along."

"Are you still with him?" he asked, afraid of the answer.

Ruthie hesitated a moment, before slowly holding up her left hand. "We're engaged."

Martin felt sick to his stomach, much like the day Ruthie had left.

"Oh my God," he whispered, starting to cry.

"Martin, please don't," she pleaded, tearing up as well.

"You're..." He couldn't even finish the sentence. It killed him.

_She's engaged. And the ring on her finger isn't from you, _he thought to himself.

"Ruthie..." Why was this so hard? He couldn't get past uttering one word.

He noticed the sadness in her eyes. She didn't even bother hiding it this time, for his eyes mirrored it.

"I really killed you, didn't I?" she whispered.

Martin made a noise similar to a hiccup through his tears. "You have no idea," he choked out.

She had a tear falling down her cheek, amidst the raindrops on her forehead. Martin, without thinking, wiped it away with his thumb.

He watched her eyes close, while she remembered his touch. It was nothing like the way Evan touched her.

Truth be told, she missed him. After knowing that she'd hurt Martin, however, she thought he'd never take her back. Now, she realized that could've been different.

"You miss me," he whispered, stillstroking her cheek.

She almost didn't hear him. She was too content with the thumb stroking her cheek to notice him. When she'd realized what he'd said, she shot her eyes open, and stepped away from him.

"What!"

"You miss me," he repeated, no expression apparent on his face. "I know you do."

Ruthie felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Maybe I do," she admitted.

_At a loss for words and runnin' outta time_

_I said this crazy thing_

_Crazy thing, I said_

_Tell me that you live for love_

_That forever is never enough_

_That you waited all your life to see_

_That you want so badly to believe_

_Tell me that it's not just me_

Martin suddenly felt a wave of emotion overpower him. "Ruthie," he whispered, walking towards her. "Tell me that you want to be with me. Tell me that you still love me," he pleaded.

"Martin..." she stammered.

"Ruthie, please. Tell me that I'm not the only one who's hurting here," he begged of her.

Ruthie couldn't stand it. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, but she had a ring on her finger. She'd promised to be faithful.

"It's not just you," she whispered.

_Hold me now and tell me_

_That you do believe in a soul..._

_A soul mate_

_Tell me, tell me_

_Tell me..._

Martin was pained by the confession she made. "Then why..." he stuttered. "Why did you cheat on me?" he asked.

"I was scared, Martin."

"For a year?" he sarcastically replied.

"God, I can't even explain it, Martin," she whispered, wiping raindrops off her forehead.

Martin noticed how beautiful she looked in the rain, with her hair swept down to her sides, and her stomach...

"Are you pregnant!"

She looked towards the ground, trying to force a weak smile. "Yeah," she whispered.

Martin couldn't stand it. He realized that he'd been so concentrated on her eyes and face that he hadn't even noticed her bulging belly.

He tried to be happy for her, but knew he was failing. "When are you due?"

"Six months," she whispered.

Martin cocked his head, studying the stomach once more. "You look a little more than three months, babe," he said, suddenly realizing the pet name he'd used out of habit.

Ruthie didn't even notice. Either that, or she didn't bother to correct him. "I'm due in three months. I'm six months along," she said.

"When did you get engaged?" he asked, remembering that they'd only broken up nine months ago.

"A little over a month ago. I got pregnant before we got engaged."

Martin sighed, looking towards the ground.

"That's the only reason I'm marrying him, ya know," he heard her say.

"What?" he asked, snapping his head up.

"I was looking for you, until I found out I was pregnant. My dad's making Evan and I get married."

Martin couldn't help but feel better. "You were looking for me?" he asked.

"Yeah. We're soul mates, Martin."

_Tell me that you live for love_

_That forever is never enough_

_That you waited all your life to see_

_That you want so badly to believe_

_Tell me that it's not just me_

Martin smiled wide. "I love you, Ruthie Camden."

She smiled, looking towards the ground. The words he'd uttered sounded so much different. When Evan said them, she almost felt that he was saying it because he had to. Martin was different, though. He meant it.

"I love you, Martin."

"But that doesn't change anything, does it?" he asked, looking at her with pain-filled eyes.

Without warning, she reached up to kiss him. Martin hesitated for a moment, before reminding himself that this would probably be the last kiss he shared with her.

It was full of passion, lust, love, everything he remembered. She was always able to kiss him in a way that made his knees grow weak and wobbly, and now, he couldn't even stand. She was holding him up.

When they pulled away, the rain had stopped. The tears on Martin and Ruthie's faces, however, were still quite apparent.

"We can't do this," she whispered, holding onto his jacket for support.

"I know," he replied, pushing a few curls of her hair over her shoulders. He then kissed her forehead, and once again looked at her stomach, wishing the baby growing inside her belonged to him.

He took a step backwards, helping himself to resist her. "Bye, Ruthie."

"Bye," she whispered.

And that was the last time Martin saw her.

* * *

The lyrics are from Rascal Flatts' song, "It's Not Just Me." Please review. :) 


End file.
